Road Seven Stories

moving

2010-07-06T20:42:00.001-07:00

such an avid blogger I am. I am now moved to Tumblr. Find me if you can. :p

hush hush you'll be alright

2010-07-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

"hmmm .... i hv only 1 thng 2 say dat ur vry pretyy n niceeee gal ... don thnk or listn, wat others r sayn abt u... jus b true 2 urslf n am sure evrythnn wl b fine n alryte..."

I cooling down now... The Moron was right, sometimes talking with strangers will make you feel better (geez this is bad. I'm started to agree with almost everything that she says before). Strangers doesn't really know who you exactly are, but listening to your stories, they somehow make a fair judgement on you since they don't care as if they are going to keep in touch with you back again or not.

You just...mean nothing to them.

I'm guessin' that if we can make some wishes out of airplanes

2010-07-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

I want to complain. Not one or two, but more than that...

1. I hate living in my life right now and I wish that everything could have nvr been happening to me! Aku benci hidup susah! N kadang2 from what the moron's always complaining about, does really make sense into my mind! I just want to run away from the truth. hence, I always comfort myself by saying all the good things. ahhh shut up nirah! you know ur life isn't that great anyways!

2. Aku benci bila org2 senang ajak aku keluar. heh. aku benci bila u guys paid for me. in other way round u guys u made me feel like in such a loser! i know u guys nvr want to down grading me or what what, but without your knowledge u guys actually made me feels that way!

3. stop asking of what am i doing right now coz hell i hate to be true of who i am which is not something IM REALLY PROUD OF!!!!!!!

4. ohhh how i hate the fact that my life is not that happening. dammit! I FUCKING NEED A DRINK NOW!

5. I hate it when i'm being surrounded by these beautiful ppl with such beauty, hot body, and most importantly with MONEY. my gooooooddddd. money is sooooo everything. YOU SHUT UP IF YOU WANT TO SAY MONEY AIN'T ANYTHING! KAU TAU APE? AKU HIDUP SUSAH DARI KECIK, PENAT JERIH AKU LIKE ORG PHM? TO HELL WITH ALL MOTHERFUCKERS!

6. AKU BENCI PRETENDING LIKE I AM CONTENT WITH MY LIFE! arrrgghhhh!!!! seriously it takes a fucking good actress like me to act so! YES! i'm such good with drama! you'll nvr know of who i am! it's already in me. just as matter of time to let it explode like this!

7. yes aku mmg tak pandai nak bersyukur! deep inside me ada byk benda yg aku terkilan! tapi aku byk simpan dlm hati coz aku tak suka ppl see of who i really am.

8. kadang2 aku malu dekat mana im sitting now...i feel like a total loserrrr.

9. mungkin aku jenis manusia yg tak tau nk bersyukur, sbb tu Tuhan timpakan hidup aku mcm nie.

10. aku cuba jadi manusia yg realistik sbb aku takut. aku takut aku jatuh... tak boleh accept the truth about life.

11. im in pain.......

I don't need a parachute

2010-07-04T16:40:00.000-07:00

Don't believe the things
you tell yourself so late night and
You are your own worst enemy
You'll never win the fight
Just hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
It's you and me up against the world
It's you and me....Love

Morning breeeze. Ahh...super nice feeling. I'm craving for american breakfast, sushi, durian, rojak beratur @ ss15 subang jaya and cheesecake. I love to eat. Food is my bestfriend, hell yeah.

I miss Mr.Bf... =(

Maybe I sound like a loser or a sucker for love, but he made me feels like I'd do anything for him,anything...

This is wrong you know. I can't give it all to him, cause I don't want to end up in misery if (toucchh woood!) he walks away.That's my princip when I'm in a relationship.

...but loving him makes me against all the nature principal. it's like against the gravity...

I wish he could allow me to stay in his heart, his world for a longer time.

nyeh. love sick period.

my shirt smells like you

2010-07-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

because tonight will be the night that I'll fall for you over again

2010-07-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

you...giving me a hard time to stop this heart from screaming your name...and love.

the black ghost

2010-06-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

I just love her goth's looks.
I'm into a girl who has a pale looks yet still magnifying and sweet to look at.

Plus point, she has a long leggie that forever goes on.

I love this. The hairstyle.

All these faces none the same

2010-06-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly

all i know is i'm breathing now

2010-06-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

I wanna go far away,
Where the events this world,
Can no longer hurt me,
I wanna go far away,
Where the burdens of life,
No longer weigh me down,
I wanna go far away,
Where no one can love me,
I wanna go far away,
So they don’t get the chance to hurt me,
I wanna go far away,
Where it’s ok to be crazy,
I wanna go far away,
Because sometimes talking to yourself is healthy,
I wanna go far away,
Tired of seeing the poor children we can’t help,
I wanna go far away,
Cuz in reality we don’t know what to do,
I wanna go far away,
Just so far away, my thoughts just drift away,
I wanna go far away,
For too many things are hurting me,
I wanna go far away,
Where it’s just me and poetry, no one else,
I wanna go far away,
Though I know, we all need help,
I wanna go far away,
For times, it’s just better to be by myself,
I wanna go far away,
Because soon, I might just be a victim,
Society is on a killing spree, next it might be me.

Livin' in sin is the new thing. Are - you in?

2010-06-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

Three is a charm
Two is not the same
I don't see the harm
So are you game?

The rebels in. This heart is aching.I am now hurt. You called me selfish? I show YOU one!

I hurt like fuck now.

Not Mr.Bf. He's been great as ever.

honey, u are not gonna find love inside the pants of every man in this city

2010-06-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

please.

...im just in the mood.

i can't help it when i am...

He's been...wonderful and amazing to me.
I love You Danny Love. =)

I love you,
not because of what you have
but because of what I feels..
I care for you,
not because you need care
but because I want to..
I'm always here for you,
not because i want you to be with me
but because i want to be with you..

can never have too much of a good thing?

2010-06-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

So I got a question;
Do you want to have a summer party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum?
Is my love, your drug?

and so just now i got erk stuck and doesn't know what to do after my gas was out. i can't fucking cook! demmit! i have to open up the cafe a lil bit late today since running out of gas. seriously,

never in my life would even care to check whether the gas is still full or not. cause most of the time, i thought it always full. #____#

nyeh. i know damn stupid right?

HEH! THEY SAID ALWAYS SEE THE GLASS HALF FULL OKAY

SO IN MY CASE I SEE THE ERRHHSS GLASS HALF FULL??

maahaai. the figure of speech can never be trusted or use anymore! it cannot be trusted.

lil notes;
I get so high when you're with me, but crash and crave you when you are away
I fucking love you. and obviously you damn knows that well.

dear tear glands, stop do overtime please?

2010-06-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

I want you to remember me. If you remember me, I don't care if everyone else forgets.

I've become such a sensitive fucker lately. I don't care how people would might take me now, cause it's more than enough I have such burdens and pain to bare with. Let me be content with my sorrows. I do have my time when I am at my low point. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

to hell to all motherfuckers who keep pushing me down like this. yes i want to blame it on you. i dont care. i dont care!

i want to be made from metals. pls.

sign out.

cause I'm a gypsy, are you coming with me?

2010-06-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

and so they said she's a girl in love...

In the midst of chaos, I truly can't believe it when I actually falling for someone whom I'd never expected to be part of my life. Yes. It were all happened soo naturally (chewah, I purposely put up the lyrics song by Selena Gomez to make my writing sounds cool, no? Nyeh.). I just knew the next seconds, I started to miss talking with this guy again, and I can't stop smiling when we starts our conversations again. I become soo greedy, I wanted more and more from this fella who makes me like a mad cow in a love drunk. I want to know him more, and I want his heart, I want his love...

I truly can't believe it that he can tolerate with my crazyness,unpredictable and weirdo personality (I love it to be true- coz I feel different and people can easily remember me. I hate it when people forget me. Harharhar!). Or maybe cause I'm hot and he can't resists it that's why he closed his eyes from the facts I am like that? LOLWTF. ><

...no matter what he thinks,he did...

he such an adorable person to love. =)

Heh. I was totally like a girl who is having her highschool crush! Like seriously damn mengada right? Hahaha. THAT IS WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO ME. lolwtf.

I can feel my heart beating in my chest as when I speak about him at this seconds.

I want to write more about him, but I need to run an errands in a while. Oh my, Danny Darling, I truly love you soo much!

someone's knocking the door

2010-05-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

...and i open it. =)

u better be a good salesman that worth to open up the door. :p

ilovethisfeelingthahappenstome! =D

Baby, keep believing.

2010-05-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

"apa yang membuatkan Nirah ataupun motivasi dalam hidup Nirah, untuk menyahut cabaran terutama dalam bidang perniagaan ini?" tanya reporter betudung hotpink dalam tone yang sangat warm untuk aku bercakap dengannya.

sumpah aku tak tau nak jawab ape kot. sebab seriously, semua kata-kata kesat orang bagi dekat aku, yang buatkan aku kuat untuk lawan and tunjukkan aku nie superhero. aku lebih suka gelar diri aku super hero, daripada strong person. sebab bunyi strong person, touching sangat. aku bukannya suka ayat2 touching nie. aku hidup dalam realiti yang bencikan drama slot samarinda. tapi pandai2 lah aku cover up with my proper words, saying the lame words that people use cause aku pun blur bila aku nak menipu nih. tapi aku paling suka cakap dengan orang from my dad's word " sebab kau muda. kau jatuh pun, kau boleh bangun balik. bukan macam aku dah tua nie, agak too late for me to do that thus with my condition."

hmm.

aku rasa benda yang sebenar2 nya yang motivate aku untuk terus ke depan is my father. terus terang aku agak benci bila some people look down on him. when he was somebody, semuanya melutut depan kepala lutut dia. bila dia susah, takde siapa pun yang kisah nak pandang, and look at him as a loser. aku tau, benda nie semua lumrah hidup. aku pernah nampak nie dalam drama pun. bukan tak biasa. tapi tak biasa bile it happened infront of my eyes. agak susah for me to accept at first bila knowing the truth that was hurting the whole family. mother always a mother, a bit of tears drama can be seen. tapi aku benci nak ikut macam drama. sebab hidup aku, aku director. aku tentukan jalan cerita, yang lain berserah pada Yang Esa.

Tapi, dalam niat aku yang kononnya nak jadi anak yang baik, terus terang aku ada buat silap. sebabkan stress dengan hidup yang aku sometimes rasa not fair to me, aku lampiaskan towards my parents. dalam sedar tak sedar setan aku, aku kurang ajar dengan mak bapak aku bila diorang tegur aku.that time, nothing was in my mind, melainkan rasa benci dengan nasib yang diorang timpakan kat hidup aku. bagi aku diorang macam loser. TERUKKAN AKU? dah la cukup Tuhan turunkan dugaan kat parents aku, tambah lagi dengan perangai anak derhaka macam aku ni. aku pun tak tau la brape banyak dosa aku dengan parents aku.

bila dah terhantuk, baru nak terngadah.

bila aku dah cool down, memang aku rasa menyesal and melampau sangat2. siapa aku untuk buat parents aku macam tu. aku pun belum berjaya macam Donald Trump, nak buat parents aku macam tu. aku tak nafikan, kadang2 aku nampak Tuhan bagi cash dekat aku bila aku buat jahat dengan parents aku.

agak ambil masa untuk aku lembutkan hati keras aku nie. aku pun tak tau apa yang buat hati aku lembut, maybe doa mama hari2 kat depan sejadah buatkan aku macam nie. aku mula belajar, no matter how bad your parents is, they are still your parents. aku mula main touching sedih dalam hidup aku untuk bencikan perangai lama aku yang buruk tu.

terus terang, antara benda yang buat aku jadi buruk macam tu sebab kadang2 aku fikir jahat bila aku tengok cara kata2 parents aku dekat aku seolah nak down kan aku yang memang self-esteem lembik nie. aku tak suka bila orang yang aku sayang, tak percaya dengan aku. tapi aku silap. dalam tak percaya diorang pun, diorang still there for me to support me. aku rasa sebab nak tak nak, aku still anak diorang kan? tak kira apa kepuusan aku pun, baik buruk or baik, diorang akan support. aku dah besar. aku akan belajar sendiri bila aku buat silap.

yang best nya, bila aku dah buat silap, aku still nak continue. aku tau aku boleh buat. parents aku akan bebel macam biasa, tapi aku ignore and let them talk at the same time listen to them. sebab dalam bebel diorang, aku noticed diorang ada point2 yang bagus untuk anak lahanat yang degil macam aku nie. bila setiap yang aku buat menjadi, aku suka. of course. haha. and aku tak kisah lah if parents nak take any credits, because they deserved it.

so moral of the story yang aku nak highlight sebenarnya is to keep believing. even orang yang kau sayang pun tak percaya, let them be. sebab no matter what, they'll be there for you. lagi2 your parents. aku belum lagi berjaya tahap Bill Gates untuk cakap macam bagus nie, tapi, entah lah. aku rasa nak cakap benda nie, so aku cakap. terpulang, kau nak buat macam mana with the post.

I thought I'd never blog again until...

2010-04-26T01:24:00.000-07:00

hye you.
miss me?
=)

I got lazy to update this shit. I do have time to blog, but I guess my life seems pretty plain to write on this black wall. Hmmm...black wall. I think I shall change the skin soon. It's too black.

Nothing much to yell,muttered or mumble here, I am still whoever I am. Same old, same old. Something new probably the fact that now I am no longer attached. I am by my own. Running my own business, a small cafe in Wangsa Maju. Was a bit kancheong during the first day. The nervous and anxiety and stuff. Shit. I feel like this getting bored to type. Have to stop taking projects for my Graphic work due to the new shit I'm working on. It may sounds big, but I still feel small. I am my own waitress here. Hate the moron rempits keep whistling at me and the moron when we were doing our work. Sumpah geli kot. Felt like they thought we were just a waitress girl working in the cafe, so we made in the same league with them. haktui!

Okay, I have to admit I do feel I have my own standard okay. My looks is not too shabby, I am smart, everything I do I've made a success, I am a nice girl though. Nothing bad about me. Based from my past experience, and testimonials, whoever dated me before, they know better how worth it am I. I know I am certain good with a selective guys. Not just simply any guys out there. Usually I pick my favorite based from several evaluation I had make, starting from the first time I'm meeting them. The cheesy me, I do believe love at the first sight. Slap me for 21st century girl being.

Haha, I'm very choosy aren't I no?

well, have my right to be choosy. ;)

you all know he's always be my favourate

2010-02-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

happy birthday vincent fong kah wai.

2010 seems a nice number to combo with 21 years old of your age, and the target you have been set up to get a car by oct 2010(it would be a nice number if you can get it on exact date of 20.10.2010).

hope this year will be a good year ahead for you to take up your steps on your journey.

be good and stay strong.

i love you.

love,
nirah.

the first time i saw and met you was on October 2007. October 2008 our feeling started to bloom and we started to be more open up to the public on our relationship, like a month that we started to "declare" though there was never any dates been marked before. October 2009, nothing but the fact we both already agreed to end some knots that we know it goes nowhere, yet i was still struggling with my emotion.

chicks and dicks lesson 101

2010-01-20T06:36:00.000-08:00

kalau kau tau kau cantik, use it.

tapi bukan with kebodohan.

itu bimbo yang tolol.

you know you're the man's weakness. ;)

no doubt

2010-01-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

fuck the hell to all of you motherfuckers.

im just gonna do it.
stopping me will do you no benefits in-come.
im just gonna do it.

amended post

2010-01-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

I had my two weeks holidays, okay, not by the exact of two weeks, but at least, I had a break didn't I? weee. smirk.

hello 2010, bye bye 2009.

to be frank, i dont really fancy about wishing and celebrating the coming new year. i am more freaking out to know i am 23 years old this year! it is not the age factor that scared me, it's the achievement that i have in hand today.i feel it still not full filling enough, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. i still have alot of things need to catch up. i am still lack of everything in terms of knowledge and skills. i need to master it all before i get older next year, OR BEFORE I'M COUNTING DOWN THE NEXT YEAR TO COME.

gosh. im scared of the future, the unknown i mean. due to that paranoia, i work like crazy without following my plans, and everything went up and down without consistency! mercy!

i need more moneyyyyy for the family, for myself, my own savings for the future. my brothers and sisters are still studying, though it's only left shasha the one who is still schooling. i hate to know that i still haven't own any car by using my own money to buy it. i hate to know i wont have enough money to give my brothers and sisters allowance for them to spend. they don't deserved to feel this way, when they should less worried about the financial issue. i feel soo terrible, and feeling like a useless person in the world when i cant help as much as i can to the family.

it is soo much pressure whenever i get back home,
looking at the family, and there i stand
with no power to give more than what i'm giving them today.

i think most of the people who always there to talked with me, and asking my updates, would know how am i and the family doing now. the oldman now is a taxi driver, whilst the oldwoman, she can't work anymore due to her health condition. hmm... i know how is the oldman feeling now. not that i don't understand. for someone with an ego like him, who used to be on the top, now at the bottom. it's a big big sudden of crash to accept without feeling like a trash. i am soo hopeless when i look at him from far, without having anything to help solve out his problem...

...i guess i'm the biggest loser here...

...

apart beneath from all these issue, at this moment i'm feeling soo down after i heard from ema saying that vince feel disappointed looking at me now. cause i look like i'm totally changing, like i am not someone whom he used to know. at this point, i have no defense towards myself. i choose to portray infront of audience like im a bright shining star. i tried to stand up get as much attention as i can. showcasing like im having a blast, and a great jolly moments. i wont deny that i love all the attention were given to me. it makes me feel like there are people who still wants to look and know what am i doing. i was looking for something like a "temporary-care-about-me-time". i wanted to be something that i am not , to impress these audience, get them to cheer for me.

or worst, maybe that is what i am which i never reveal that much? god. im confused!

but it's all not worth it when the person i really love the most feel disappointed with me. it seems like all the cheers and clapping hands from the audience doesn't mean anything than this special guy appreciation when he look at me and call me beautiful...

maybe that's why i dont really bother looking at 2010 as a new chapter to begin when my shitty end of 2009 buzzing to me. no, i dont blame the god, nature or time or whatever the heck in this world that called life. i take full responsibilities on every act i've taken.

dear 2010,
i'm not sure what i want yet, cause i need to ensure my family is in a good hand with me. i need to work harder to help the family. i want to dine-in with the family at an expensive restaurants, and have a good proper nice vacation like what we used to had before.

ahhh...well...happy new year people. be good kay?

sign off.

numb

2009-12-20T13:27:00.000-08:00

5.28 am.
im motherfucking exhausted
being stranded in the office til very late morning to do the magazines.

seriously, in the future,
i wont encourage my daughter to work in designing line.
it will damage her beauty big time.

demmit. then how am i gonna get boys like this?
the bra ALSO LOOSING WOIH. LATER IM GONNA BE FLAT LIKE PLASMA TV THAT'S A BIGGGG NIGHTMAREEEE TO BE ONE OF THE BOYSSSS. I WANT MY BOOBS BACK!

blergh!

shit. siapa boleh tolong pam? k byebye.

deepr conversation

2009-12-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

the 4 magazines are finally come to done! i'm about to fly! like yeay hundred times!

i wanna go to hong kong toooooo. but but i have to use the money for my family laaa. next year buka sekolah, have to for this and that. i cant goooooo alongggg. =((((

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And im learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

if i ever could see the snow from my window

2009-12-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

the holidays is coming. =)

very soon.

i want to hibernate like the squirrel do during the winter time.

my phone is ringing. i hear fun to come!

gee, i never thought i could be this happy when im going to be off from the office. i miss the world.

everytime i meet new guys, i realized that i always love everything about You. EXCEPT for the fact that i can't have you Vince.

the ugly truth

2009-12-14T22:34:00.000-08:00

I'm starting on tumblr. :)

cause I know you are here.

will keep posting here, but not as much as open I can be in Tumblr. nobody knows me, and nobody cares what I'll be writing on.

find me if you can ;)

side notes:
call me lame, cause imma person who sees and feels through the heart.
I still believe it's a matter of heart and feelings that keep the relationship bond stronger. not by your physical appearance or even sex. fuck with the theories saying sex is the key of happiness in every relationship. you called me childish cause I don't believe you. you know what? after what happened in between us, i still think of Vince, and I still love him. and btw, you don't have the charm. you're just a cute childish hunk.

idiots in love

2009-12-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

stupid boy. pretending like a bad boy when you are actually a nice guy. that's lame okay? fucking lame that i feel wanna vomit.

stop match-making me. im a big girl. i know what i want.

i want to kill you coz you seems wanna back up before you start. that's bloody idiot. you hate idiot people right? YOU KNOW WHAT, I THINK I HATE ONE TOO.

it's good that YOU don't know about this blog cause then i can bitch about you.

you like to call me bitch right? so here what i become one to give that to your face.

and my moron sis, stop spamming my comments box with your lucah words. i hate you too biatch.

moral of the story: never ever reveal your blog to the people. cause it feels fucking awesome when you can bitch about them.

p/s: why is it soo hard to find a smart guy? please lah. you like me, come to me and say it so.

jinggle belly bell

2009-12-11T23:46:00.000-08:00

i like the feeling when i can grab an attention. especially from someone that im attracted to. eheh.
im not too shabby huh?

i like the way you look at me. i like the way you're being naughty and cheeky. i feel sexy!

im better on my own

2009-12-09T00:58:00.000-08:00

can't wait for the holidays. :D
I think I should activate back my Twitter account after looking at my post are mostly less than 100 words. lmao.

whoa. for the first time im hearing a guy said that my boobs is very attractive. lol wtf.
tapi aku kembang gila babi kot. sebab sangat kasihan to know the fact that im boobless.

fine, i was wearing low cut that time. damn mengada laa right to showw off something that actually can't be shown. wtf. BUT ANYWAYSSSSS thanks to the wonder bra :D *wet watery eyes holding bra award*

i guess he just want to make a pleasant hearing to me since he knows that's my ultimate esteem issue and not to forget, i know you always want me.

harderharharhar.
you know what?
you wont get me.

i still want jimmy lim or jonathan cheng. but sadly,

...they both are gay.
*SHOOT MY HEAD NOW PLEASE!*

demmit! such a waste, good looking and nice body. sigh.

honest confession:
I ALWAYS GET DISAPPOINTED WITH THIS INDUSTRY WHEN IT COMES TO A CUTE HUNK.

i dont mind do jonathan (if he's a bi) even if im attached with anyone now. :p

WOIH. HORMONES EXPLODE COMING AGAIN!

kan cheong

2009-12-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

blergh.

to hell with work.

get me a sugar daddy. im ready for you. LIKE NOW PLS?

please, bring down the wall

2009-12-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

i think im hurting someone's feeling,
but i hope i was wrong.

cause he just make me confuse now.

there's nothing else i can say

2009-12-04T05:17:00.000-08:00

i'm happy. =D

yo people, tmr is my birthdayyyy.

i really really love you Vincent.

don't trust her, never trust her

2009-12-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

tempting, indeed.

the more i keep thinking about it, the more its killing me.

damn.

chicky and naughty.

i'm not a barbie

2009-11-23T08:57:00.000-08:00

he doesn't remember his ex's birthday last year when I was with him.
but he remembered mine this year when we are no longer together.

I feel special in a weird way. =)

I may put this as a point trying to say maybe he still do care or love me. But well, let me be in my own thoughts..

new moon

2009-11-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

I'm really scared with guys.

I don't know how genuine their feelings towards me.

I don't like guys who simply trying to touch me. even to hold my hand.

this is simply my taboo. if they are one of these, either i ignore them, or, you're just belong to stay as my friend.

can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline?

2009-11-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

hey, im back. =) for good.
i'm getting older. going on 22 soon, very soon.
i hope i'll have a great birthday like last year.
but seriously, nothing will compared to the last year celebration.
the best of the best throughout my 21 yearslifespan (it was very beautiful to me =)).

im not sure about this year. i really hope it's gonna be good too. coz i dont want to sit down and feeling soo lonely,remembering the last year's birthday.

i feel like deleting all the previous post. cause when come to read it back, i feel soo stupid. lol.

but life is not all about ctrl+alt+delete. if it's as easy as that, everyone can start a new day without wrinkles on their forehead.

i dont want to worry about my age anymore. i'll tell you why. if you still reading me.

ahhh my complexion seems to get better now. now i feel soo relax, and plumpy a bit. lol. i can feel my boobies growing as when i took my shower, i massage it over as usual. i can feel it's getting fat now! HAHAHAHAHAHA! woih, you're prohibited to comment anything about this okay! LOL. WTF!!!

and my apple bottom shape is back too! yeay for me! i think maybe it's the hormone as im growing older now. i'll be more ladylike, as in shape im talking about. harderyeayagain! now i can strut my stuff and make the boys goes gaga over me. yeay again!!! WTF. ahaha.

I love it when I have a fan. :p who doesn't right?

sounds pathetic right? but who cares, as im getting blossoms now which i kinda love it.

uh oh. i think im getting shallow now. coz recently, im easily attracted to a good looking guy. I WANT TO HAVE A HANDSOME BOYFRIEND PLEASE CAN ARH? with money too. lol.

geee. u wanna know a secret? i've been using my beauty to get what i want. i noticed boys or men are soo stupid when it comes to woman.

...but still. i dont get what i want the most...

...him.

you should know by now who is he im talking about.

i know how amazing i'll be like when the lights are out.

2009-11-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

if you see any funny titles, ignore it.
it's just my subconscious mind wanted to say so. wtf.
or maybe im just horny like that. double-major whadderrrffuuuurrrgggghhh.

you know when...

how your adrenaline will go rush to see male models (underwear collections fashion showcase) behind the back stage. :p

yummy.

I'm hungry. :D

coz im hot, and you're not.

2009-11-02T07:43:00.000-08:00

wht the fuck.

idk why suddenly i feel soo hot with my ordinary look todayy ayy ayyee.
im wearing specs btw. imagine with my hot nerdy looks in a hot secretary outfit BLOW-ing flying kisses to Malaysia. I feel soooo Miss Malaysia lah!

i might be insane. losing my mind. cause of the working madness.

eh, you should actuarry be jealous with me, cause when im busy means i still got job. and that also shows that how important am i til i need to be in the office up til 5am in the morning and woke up at 10am to rush back to the office.

my life is friggin' cool. yours is not.

you see, i camp in my office. do you do you? lol wtf. you don't!
I KNOWWWW RIGHT. i'm fucking awesome lahhh.

i feel like make love with myself. geez that would be wasted to see my own hot body not to be touch. lol.

OKEHBYEBYECOZITALKNONSENCEAGAIN!

took my heart to the limit, this is where i stay

2009-10-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I always love the feeling when I miss You Vincci.
something happened and I can't stop smiling. =)
how nice if nothing gonna be the border for us.

november is the month.
shall blog about it later.
not when i got the copy for myself first. :p

and december is my month. =)

after the rain

2009-10-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

I always love the rain.
especially...

=)

cause she's the one

2009-10-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

i don't find it's a waste of my tears over Vincent. Cause he's a guy who is worth to cry over. I'm not sure when I can heal from the time being, but I know I'll move on from his shadows. though he seems like purposely to be as cold hearted as he can be. im sure every girls would know how much does it hurt when the guy that you love, ignore you like you were mean nothing to him all this while. Yes. That is how we feel when guys does that to us.

My friend told me, the reason why they did this way is because, they just want to move on. they don't want to be attached anymore on something that will reminding them again on the pain that will never get heal. they're doing that for good. they want us to move too, and be happy. forget about the past, focus on your present. cause if you get carried over with your past, you are hurting the present. and you will never get a beautiful future like what you always said you wanted.

That's a good practic that I am most envied with boys. Too bad, I'm still a girl who carries emotional. Eventually, I'm learning and growing up to be an adults. I will adapt myself to become an iron woman.

I know how bad I've drowning into my emotional downtime when this is the time where i suppose to focus towards myself. Don't worry. My career is still on track. I am quite surprise to see how I develop that fast in within a short period. Soo many obstacles and hiccups happened here and there, and yet, I still manage to be the best of all what I wanted it earlier.

I've been working too hard. until to the extend i feel like im lonely in this world... i never like to be alone even if i said i need to be alone. i love companied by lovely people around me. im a bit depending when it comes to emotion part. i can't lie that to myself. i love to be care and love. i never stop loving people so that i hope one day, they will love me too as much how i love them sincerely.

this connection is actually very simple. it's just sometimes the drama of life that makes it complicated.

to Vincent, I'm not sure if you're still reading my blog or not. but i just hope you do come across with to my piece of confession. i dont know why i want you soo badly ever since the first time it was accidentally steal by you when you were with someone else. i wish i knew the reason when by looking into your eyes, holding your hand or when i kiss you. but i still cant find the answer up til this second. all i know is, i can conclude you as the whole universe of love.

we always know it was wrong, but we ignored and don't want to be right. now, served me right. i drag the ignorance too much. though for a year. but it feels like i know you long time ago. because i seriously can understand you well, like your mind is in mine. that is how i think i took care of you like the way i took care of myself. now i know why i always finds you cute even you fart i still think it's cute. cause i chomel mah. :p

i seriously dont know when can i get you off my head, even there are many great guys out there. maybe cause i find you are great enough, and im easily satisfied with what i get. or maybe you're just the type of a weird guy that weird girl like me love. maybe i cant find a greater guy than you yet to get rid of you from my mind. man, i dont know. all maybe's are there.

as for now, this heart is still longing on your name. and i without a shame that a girl should be after dumping the boyfriend, want to say that, I'm really in love with you and I dont know why the hell is that still happening to this heart.

to dear sir life of mine,
be good. i will goddamn sure the wrap up of 2009 is going to be awesome for me. it is going to be one. i just know it will. you've been treating me bad, but i will go for it, fight for it. cause im that girl.

you should know too, how worth it am I dear sir life.

sign off.

with love

2009-10-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Oh Dear God,

why must it must be this way? I tried to open up my heart, but all I can see around is his face. Whatever any other guys do or did for me, reminds me of him. why must i fell for him in the first place? why him? why i must have this loyalty program in-build my heart?

i leave him because of fear.

im scared to face the challenge when I have to face the fact that we can't be together in any ways. i was afraid had to cry over and over again thinking how unfair life is towards me. i was fear to be not thinking rationally as a muslim. i fear i may do something stupid like what i did last time. im afraid when the day he has to let my hands go, i'll do anything to grab his hand back to me. im afraid i will be a selfish person.

...im fear to hear a break-up from his lips.

all these fear...leads to me now. how sad is that when i know whoever is following the blog, as if there's any, will have the same thought of what i said before how i hate seeing people who doesn't know how to move on with their life. now, look at me.

Everyday, I hate seeing happy couples infront of me, like they did something wrong to me. I hate the feeling that I'm alone there watching these people like those scenes in the movies. I hate when listening to my friend's story about she and the boyfriend. I hate to see myself like this when I got no one who can be half of me. I hate myself again when I'm typing the same topic for almost every post. I hate when people told me this is the time where I should love myself the most.

I do love myself though sometimes I make such a big fuss about how do I look. I mean like...seriously, who really in the world so full about themselves fully, mentally and physically? we know we are not perfect right? so we learn to accept as we are. with flaws and those fugly parts that we wish never exist, is still part of of our body. we can do nothing but to accept it and know how to appreciate it.

all i want is, to know that my heart is being appreciated by the other one person. i want that feeling. i want my heart to be hold and care, cause it hurts like fuck now. i cant lie to myself when im to totally at my down time momentum. i know what i want. that's the problem. and i know i can't have it. another problem. this is what happened when you know too much.

again...
I miss the hug, the kisses. I miss when he looked and sinked his thought into my eyes. I miss when he plays with my hair. I miss when he was staring blankly at me. I miss when he tickles and makes me laugh non-stop. I miss how he sometimes out of sudden being such a romantic romeo when i didn't expected for it.

How many people can actually say they know the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

yung shen, you're right. the moment will get worst when im listening to any songs that reminds me of him. it's killing me.

somehow, I just hope he's not that good enough

2009-10-13T06:48:00.000-07:00

...I'm sorry.

I still, want nobody

...but you.

How can I be with another, I don't want any other?

I'm sorry again...but I love You.

memory

2009-10-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

i found this...in my video collection....
it was last year post i did for him...

now i feel like crying.

stop it laa nirah. stoooopid girl!!!!!! when are you going to get over it????
ARGH!

present tense

2009-10-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

i used to buy cleo & female magz (malaysia).

now i am subscribing Vogue (UK & Autralia), ELLE every month. i hate that.

i hate when people look and care what i wore.

i hate to feel effin fugly when im being surrounded by the beautiful people. they're just soo mean.

i hate when i know nothing about fashion. blergh!

gawd. i hate my job now.

i just want to go back and sleep now.

hm. how am i going to celebrate my birthday this year? i want to be happy. =(

to be on air is soo not cool

2009-10-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

my stupid friend just got me pranked on fly fm's radio last night. wth.

but the good thing is, i is got a free ticket to akon's concert and also a special invite to the pre-event exclusive party. cool and awesome neh? envy me please cause i wanna feel special here. wtf.

just one advise, be careful when your gf is dating with a deejay. i can't believe i have one. sigh.

a sweet melody

2009-10-08T01:19:00.000-07:00

even after when you're apart with your love ones,
it doesn't mean you have to stop loving them.

minnie ripperton - lovin' you

Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is all i wanna do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
And everything that i do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old

And we will live each day in springtime
Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day my life is filled with lovin' you

Lovin' you i see your soul come shinin' through
And every time that we oooooh
I'm more in love with you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

I truly miss the person who sent me this song.

did you know that?
up til at this second, you're still the one who is in my heart.

ll the guys can't be good ones, that's what makes the good ones better. =)

thank you sir

2009-10-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

I loved people, in return they give me shit.
I helped people, in return they give me shit.
I supported people, in return they give me shit.

at the end of the day...

...they leave me with full of shits.

thank you for your kindness sir. I am now bleeding.

meet me down the road

2009-10-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

as hell.

i have nothing against race, but i seriously hate to work with a stupid and ego malay people. i'm a malay too okay. please don't degrading yourself when the society always has a point to talk negative about you.

gawd.

another thing that i hate is, please lah.. when you communicate in other language than english and bm, please do respect people who couldn't understand it there?? i'm seriously mad with this type of people who doesn't know how to live in malaysia with the blue i.c. what the hell man!

blargh.

and ohhh. i didn't know that Brazilian hunks were pretty hot. ;p the last time i stopped looking at them after i knew about ronaldinho existence.

phew. i wish i was there with Michele to wet my pants. :p

i suddenly feels like dating a chick. preferably a hot taiwanese looks with boobs. so that i can poke the twins.

and i need a fling. a cute hunk please. im quite demanding to choose a fling. a bf??? leave the space empty for now. im not ready yet for a commitment. i don't want to be hurt again. it hurts like fuck.

for another tiny lil notes: i hate guys who started hinting bringing me back to their home and have a "chit chat to get to know each other closer". what the fuck man!

soo.... -im sorry your house is too ugly for me.

everything is getting crazy now.

.. and i need a hug... =(
why nobody wants to lend their ears and shoulder for me...im sad.... =(

oh my...byebye...

stay with me for a while...

2009-09-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
.
.
.
.
.
.

...it's a deep cut...

it's very painful...
='(
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

guys, please bring along your clorets when you're about to go for a date.

2009-09-23T01:29:00.000-07:00

trust me. the chances of girls running away from you after the first date because of these, can be a very good reason for not seeing you again:

+ your body odor
for god sake, don't you watch tv? rexona been paying that for thousands just to ensure you got a good scent impression okay.

+ bad breath.
you should know right when you have this problem? just buy the goddamn clorets or mentos or anything mint to neutralize it. oh my. how many times this kinda thing have been mentioned in articles, ads, talk and even blogs??? don't you read or are you some sort of from which part of earth that never taking care of your own hygiene?

gosh. i swear to god, that fella really made me try not talk with him much. if i do, i have to look at other places.

see! he just made me look like a bad person here, also a bad person infront of him. gee. i sounded more of like a bitch recently.

my...my...

phew.

ok bye bye.

continue working...
gotta work work gotta work!

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

2009-09-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans, I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself, Hey isnt this easy?

I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

it's quite scary to think about when all the relatives and friends knowing of what am I doing. not something bad though.

i don't fancy with the ideas of people knowing im involve in something like... modeling & beauty pageant contest. it is not something i really am proud of. i thought i kept it quiet well enough. oh well, the technology has really been a very good communication tools i see. bravo, you did a great job alexander graham bell. not to forget to the oldwoman, cousins and uncle. they just cant stop talking, til i have to hide myself in a room just to get a peace of mind in the midst of chaos.

the idea of getting all the eyes staring at you and focusing on every inch of your skin and pores, also gestures, is erhs, not comforting i must say. they must have been thinking, how on earth is this girl can get into the middle of lime lights? even my father thinks it's something ridiculous and funneh to know im one of the finalist. my sibblings? they just laughed at me and said, they must have been short of contestant, so they just put me up for the sake to make the program running. great. how motivating is that?

i have to emphasize on my current work in a new company with them.

...and it gets worst.

after they heard te word of "fashion" there. blergh. so they get the big idea how of do i get involved in this kind of thing easily because of the link im in. i just gave them a sour smile, when for the fact that my boss dont even know what the hell am i doing besides working my ass out for the company. my colleagues also, not all of them knows about it too, unless, if they had my fb.

************

im a shy person. i like to have to have my own space and privacy. i love to wear my glasses on my normal days. i love to wear my comfort ugly sandals to the malls, walking freely without pain in 4-5inch heels. i love to get the love at first sight kinda feeling when i bumped into an interesting guy who find me attractive with my geek looks (which i think it will never happen since i get zero attention when i wear glasses everyday <--- this is sad okay!).

when im on stage, well, the diva is roar-ing. no doubt on that. we have to behave that way in order to get attention. attention seeker is part of our job scope. that's why it pays well. the more attention you get, the more you'd get paid.

************

oh, hey! i've got a funny story to share here. Ngeee! :D
Give me some attention please though nobody's listening now. :(

okay, few days ago, I said yes to one chindian boy who has been asking me out few times before. he's cute, no doubt on that. i was really reluctant to go out, seriuosly, my "yes" wasn't sincere enough. oh boy, that guy was lucky though, i was dressing up that day cause I had to meet up with my client earlier before the date. lol. wtf. hey, it's not easy to get me or seeing me dress up nowadays okay! hahhaa. wtf. soo much frills of drama from me. wtf. ignore me for that. :p

i was late on the dinner. thus, i looked kinda messy cause was in such a hurry to get to that place. i just dont really care enough to think what he's gonna think of me. soo bad right? i can be that bad sometimes.

and so, chop chop off the long story, make it short here since imma a very lazy person. here it goes on one interesting topic that we had during the dinner :

nirah: so... what makes you not to give up of asking me out?

the boy: hm. why not? i mean, you're cute and nice. I kinda like you. and find that you're funny too.

nirah: im not as nice as you think laaa. but the cute part is agrreeaable. but seriously, im curious, is there any other thing about me that attracts you? cause... if you said cute and nice, there are like...thousands of "me" outside there you know.

the boy: errr..why are you asking such questions? why you really need to know about it anyways? why girls like to ask such questions? you see nirah, take it easy. it's just a beginning. you ARE attractive. full stop. nothing is wrong, or if there is thousands of you out there, i choose to sit here with you out of the thousands right?

nirah: hmm. hey, i don't like your answer. first, i dont care how many girls been asking you the same question, but i care for your answer. second, i know it's just a beginning, and i cant take it easy, coz it will lead to a place. before i go there, i have to make sure clearly whether am i on the right path or not. third, you just make me feels like im complicated. forth, the last line, sounds way too cheesy leh. find other words to make me special in a kind of way.

the boy: *laughing* LOL. you're soo funny.

nirah: no. im serious now.

the boy can't stop laughing.

nirah: YOU SEE... it's not really a good idea of asking me out. first, im not that cute when you look at my face closely. you can see the disgusting acne scars and blackheads. second, you might have to take this seriously, cause im boobless. the pop-ing thing you see here, is just a padding stuff. not something like im proud off, but i have to covering it off to look great. you'll get disappointed and complain like all my ex bf. that will seriously affecting my esteem! i kid you not OKAY.

the boy: LOL!!!! YOU'RE FUNNNEEEHHHHHH!!!! HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!.

nirah: =.=! (HELP)

what the hell...? i don't think it was funny. i was being very honest and transparent about myself. and he took it as a joke? wtf! or maybe he was being a mofo. idk.

nevertheless, i have to tell him that i still love Vincent.

that's the most effective way to keep a distance from any guys who wants to come closer.

haih...im not ready yet...i need more time to forget this guy outta my head.

=(

fucked UP!

2009-09-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

I really don't understand, why is it so hard for some people to just follow a simple instruction and not to make any mistakes when you know what you should do. A small minor mistakes, is okay. but i'm talking about the big one here. some people are just soo stupid or what kind or interruption they had in their cells body that caused to their own technical problem. im not sure where did they put their head on, they seems like they cant think using their head! or which head are they using im not sure.

im fucking headache to handle these two mofos.

i dont like to order people and keep reminding them on what they should do. cause FOR GOD SAKE KAU DAH BESAR PANJANG OKAY, DAH ADA BULU DEKAT SEMUA CELAH BEDAH. ARGH!

now i look like a bad person just because i have to be loud, and make sure things in an order. grrrraahhh! i hate handling older people. they just dont listen!

i dont know what else i can do to handle these type of people.when i be nice to them, they stepped on my head. when im strictly firm, they protested me! WTF!

no matter what i do, i know how to respect people. im the type of person who always respect for others. and no matter how am i with you, i'll get cool down fast later. i dont keep any heart feelings inside. what done is done.

but when you jeopardize my trust and respect, SORRY TO SAY, NO I'M NOT SORRY, YOU LOST MY RESPECT TOWARDS YOU!

im fucking tired also okay. i do triple times work than what you guys are doing, and all im asking for is just a simple request, not even an order, why you guys wanna make things complicatedddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im fucking not in a mood now.

hey, you think you're the only one who got tons of work, and living in a sad life? FUCK YOU!

im not from a rich family either. every each month i have to support the family using my sweat earning money. you think im soo happily and glamorous heh doing modelling and all? hey fucker, manakau tahu aku kerja siang malam tak cukup tidur, fikir mana nak korek duit untuk makan esok hari buat family. my mom is going to quit her job, so it's gonna be me alone in the house who has a steady income and help pay all the bills. sometimes i have to work 7 days in a week just to get some extra money to help my bro sis for their school allowance money. thus, im a girl. i still have to do the house chores after i get back from work, then continue with my laptop. honestly, recently i dont get enough rest. it's enough i said, with pain to go through in about this fucking relationship matter, with my own good friend and her flaming ego who still thinks she always right, I AINT GOT ANYONE TO BE OR WITH ME TO BARE WITH ME OR LISTEN TO ME WHEN I NEED ONE. family? enough with all the family drama portrait. im fucking dead tired.

and yet, i dont have time to kepoh-chi and ber-drama about my own life. i dont know how you can do it soooo welllll in drama, but not in work!

i noticed i am now a bit selfish, and dont really care for what most people said.i belong to me. call me whatever you want, as long im already make sure that you do your job. i dont have time for you, except the work that we are doing. i fucking make sure BY HOOK OR BY CROOK,YOU COOPERATE WITH ME TO GET OUR WORK DONE & RUN SMOOTHLY!

there you go.

selamat hari raya.

i need to talk

2009-09-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

blogging is just soo nice. i love keep it this way at the moment. i think, i type, i talk and i speak up my mind. i dont have much time to blog right now, but i will shall continue later when im free. coz i feel like i need to talk here since it's already been soo hard to have the people i trust to talk with. so, readers, i got no choice but to trust you on this. just be a good reader will ya? i just don't care what you have in your mind about me, especially when recently i might seems like emotionally unstable.

so...ttyl.

today ay ayy

2009-09-16T02:56:00.000-07:00

just ignore the location where i took my picture. I know you've been seen it alot. Yes, I've been spending most of my time in the office. The latest time I went back home was at 2am from the office. Oh madness.

okay. the purpose im posting this photo because;
i think i look gewd. wtf ignore this if u hate me, or kill me now if you cant stand with it.
i love the tops! ^^

one day

2009-09-16T02:35:00.000-07:00

"...you know what dear, I think one day, you gonna be somebody, you gonna be very successful. trust me dear. "
--the founder of Asian Atelier

This statement from a very successful lady, who called me early in the morning. When I was having a chaos time. Her word...her call... made my day... :)

thank you and amen. I hope I can be one. One day. :)

Hm. Below statement, was received on the same day. I took it more of like a compliments than flattered by a guy who I think was trying to buttercup me. Correct me if I'm wrong.

"I just want to be honest with you. I'm attracted to you. You're cute, funny, funky, damn selamba and loud sometimes. You have that charisma of a very rare girl would have in them. You... you... you kinda unique and weird too. Which always makes me confused and clueless. Which is also I think is good. In terms of...you know... you hard to understand, and I want to know that more...more of you... Oh man, I seriously don't know how to describe it but, you're something Nirah... that makes you a special person to someone's eyes. "
-- a young boy who is already attached with someone else. wtf right?

nevertheless...

I feel special this way... when people sees something in me...

=)

the story of a bird named sorrow

2009-09-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Location: McDonald's Ampang, Petronas Station ( A cool hang out place)
Time: 12.49 am

I choose to come here tonight with my beloved Hp Notebook and design files. They keep me company for the past nearly two months. What would I do without you guys I think. Yeah. If I would, i think I might not getting my pay end of this month. So, whether I like it or not, I still need you more than any men who could just offer me a cheap meal for my tummy standard. wtf. how demanding is that?

Oh My Dear Lord. My event is coming up this November. Now we are still in September, I'm already nearly died from the madness. I want to share and story how is my working experience here by far. But I'm too lazy for that right now as I'm working on my lookbook for the fashion designers.

oh! i do have one interesting update to kepoh. which is, i got selected into the 20 for Lumix Star Search. hell you know, i can say 80% of the girls are among those who are already the winners for other pageants contest. they are mostly absolutely stunning and gorgeous though they don't look that attractive from the photos. honestly speaking, the girls who are not pretty in the photos, are actually very physically attractive as in person. serious, no joke. the one that looks photogenic, are mostly looks very average. as for me, i looked sucks in both. i don't know how the hell do i get selected in the top20 after the top40.

first, i do think of trying to grab the winning title. however, on the second thought, i think i just have to keep it low. i dont think i can commit myself to go for the top12. as for other contestants are busy shout out in their facebook to get votes, i just keep quiet and only share my thoughts of the day to shout. not that im trying to be cool, or act as though i'm one of those girls that sceptical about these whole thing, no i don't! im very am happy to know i got into the top20, it shows that i do deserved to be among the hotties list in malaysia. yeah what the fuck it sounds right? but that's what i feel when im the list. and not to say, im scared of the competition. no no no! i seriously can't commit myself in this competition cause i'll have to come for rehearsals, practices, photoshoots, press conference and blablabla. my working commitment with my current company, are not allowing me to take further steps. so i just have to let it go. maybe there will be other better opportunity for me ahead that i wouldn't know? who knows right? (just pretend like you're agreed with me to make feels better wokayh? wtf)

enough said with the contest.

im having a great time of my life right now, where i got to meet with many acquaintance from various background. which is good, because i can use it for my future networking purpose. so far, everything goes as planned. i think im doing pretty good in my career. im a fulltime and freelance graphic designer. a part time model, also a scout talent. im handling event shows. ala...just one thing, i have to stop my nasi lemak business for a while due to my crazy workload now.

i might looked happy from the photos that have been posted in facebook, but in real life, im actually feeling soo empty and lonely. a normal phase i guess for every after the break up period. i do still keep on thinking and missing vincent very much. he knows that, i know. i just dont know about him. i secretly hope he miss me too though he's already moved on with his life. it's soo hard to get over him when i still love him very dearly. every guy that passes infront of me, who wants to give their great offer, has never tempted me at all. unless, if they can offer me with something that is similar with vincent, i'd accept it. i wont let them know about it, just let them be of they are, until i find the one who is exactly like vincent. cause i know, only that person, is someone who really is sincere with me. who wants me for me. not my physical nor looks. someone who sees the beauty in me with my glasses.

i can be very annoying. almost every each of the post, emo post especially, i will always talk about him. (bunuh aku sekarang kalau menyampah)

vince, do you still remember, when last time, how funny it was when we always like to sneak out from the colleagues just to get away from them? that memory keep lingering in my mind today... =)

p/s: I love You.

hello malaysia! ^^

2009-09-09T00:49:00.000-07:00

few days ago, I was playing with my webcam. wasn't sure how to use it til the one that i thought was a camera capture, was actually a video. =.=!!

haha. after had a look back on the video I noticed how vain i was. :p an attempt to look cute. blergh. woih that's normal to every girls okay. if we're not cute, then how come you guys with balls attracted to us? wtf. haha. lol.

enjoy! (as though there are still still readers laaa...adeh...)

...in the midst of hustle.

2009-09-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

there she sits alone on the bench. two three trains had passes infront of her...but something bothering her to take a step walking into the train, and continue the journey to her place....

kuala lumpur has never been a favorite place for her. she hates the crowd, the traffic, the noise, the hustles and mostly...it is not the most peaceful place to stay. though kuala lumpur always offering a good bargain for day and nights, it still... the place she hates the most.

it's a terrible place to be at when crisis is fond with her life.

she sits down and watch as the train passing by, opening the door at the platform, and leaves with a an annoying allert sound after it fills with the tuna, the people. looking at the surrounding, she can see the road is slowing down. the impatient cars honking like yelling on each other. the rudeness of music loudly been playing to scream on the city.

she sees, heard and go through this everyday,but that night, she can't see & hear a thing...

the mind blocking seems slowing down her world. she can feel her heart is beating fast. she can hear the beats at every each seconds. she can feel...the beats too. the sound and the feeling is very uncomfortably. what she she feels is even worst. she feels pain...? in that lonely hours.

...all she can do is looking at the phone with tears. she wants to connect with someone special in her phone list. telling him that she is not okay.

but again... she ain't take any courtesy to "lean". she's afraid of being ignored, and realized she is alone...

...help.

I'm hunger for a winning trophy.

2009-09-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

Awak tau tak SY dah select design layout untuk lookbook tu

hm? bila? yang mana satu dia select?

she picked mine. don't you read the mail yesterday morning?

oh... she select your design? WHEN? I didn't know about it.

yesterday laaa. got cc-ed to you as well

oh okay...why saya tak tahu pun?

haih. nah tengok nie. she said she likes my design

*YES!!!!

>:DDDDDD

don't ever think that you will not be defeated.
NA AH AH. if I'm there,
I'll make a fierce competition for you. Yeah baby!

hardwork, always being paid off!

kau poyo dengan aku lagilah. I'll show you more surprises to choke you to death. >;)

...Vincent,I miss you... ='(

win me through my stomach. feed me, ur phone will beep.

2009-09-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've been working non-stop for seven days in a row. Sleepless nights, with only 3hours of beauty sleep per day at 4 weeks in a row. Alas, I compensate it with one whole day of sleeping hours on Merdeka day. Yeay? no?

No complains, no. OKAY One complain, I'm dead tired.

I started to enjoy my work, despite with all the hustles, and conflict of interest around (grrr I hate this part right heereee) . I just couldn't give a damn care when I myself has tons of national security issue that need a serious attention especially by yours truly here. eheh.

oh geez. I got to go! Be right back!

As if the sky saw and empathized

2009-08-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

Chance brushes by like shades of white lights on navy blue rippling water, creating wave of lightness that is hardly tangible to the senses, only visible to the heart. I was trapped, instantly by your long starring gaze from afar. Those pain, those words echoing in my ears, again and again, not wanting to leave, not willing to linger beyond.

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

argh!

2009-08-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

i dont know how the hell i can get it. i am far what you call a beauty is. i really should quit all this kind of thing. im not very sure also whether i can commit myself with such thing that i dont and never had.

the right word to call is : the fugly nerd with brain! yes i got brain, which something that i can only proud of with. wtf!!!!!!

MAHAI DAMN JATUH ESTEEM TO KNOW I'VE MADE IT WHICH I NVR REALLY HOPING AT. NO KID YOU OKAY! THOSE IN LIST ARE WELL EXPERIENCED & ALL ALREADY HAD MAKE A REMARK OF THEIR SIGNATURE IN THE INDUSTRY!!!!!!!!! I'M JUST NOTHING! I HAD NO EXPERIENCE! I HAS NO WHAT YOU CALLED BEAUTY IS! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M FUCKING SCARED NOW AND MY CONFIDENCE WHICH HAS NVR BEEN THERE, SUDAH LOST ENTAH KEMANA!!!!!!! I'M FUCKING SERIOUS.

ARGGHHHHH. MATI AKU WOIIIIIII!!!!!!

i hate to look pretty for others, unless if it's by my own willingness. thus, im not a miss universe who can afford to smile and still looking great even when she got something on her white teeth.

now im curious, is it what i'm thinking is true? let's hope not!!!!!!

F U C K M Y L I F E

oh man...i fucking need a help now...

massive headache

2009-08-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

just ignore me if you feel annoyed

2009-08-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

don't leave a harsh comment if you feel sick with my post.
let me be content with these " moment".

i looked through the photos...how i truly miss the time when i was there with him.

i miss...
...walking into his dept and had a peek at his place while he's doing his work.
...dress up nicely just to grab his attention on me (yeah, im just mengada like that)
...to sneak a peek to see what color he's wearing to the office. he looks great in blue, white & black. =)
...to look at him eating (dinner/lunch). he eat alot, just like me. sometimes when i know he's still hungry, so i let him ate my food that i said i cannot finish (the truth is i can finish it, but i don't like to see him starving.)
...listen to him while his on the phone. he has nice tone which i find it very sexy until now.
...the feeling to make him distracted with my presence. especially when i know i look good that day
...to company him til late night in the office. i dont mind if later that i know my mom will nag me for came back home at late night.
...to disturb him when he's doing his work.
...to follow him and mondy at the balcony. looking and watch them smoking whilst talking about work matter. i dont even mind though i understands nothing about what they were both talking about, i just love to be there as though im one of the boys on the balcony. that's what he always like refer me too since i cut my hair.
...to poke his belly. i nvr like guys with belly before, but i cant believe i love his belly! (gross pls shuuh)
...listening to his whine when he needs one after work, though i know im a hopeless consultant ever.
...walking back with him to ktm and let him carry my laptop.
...his smile when he got a deal.
...his smile when he's happy.
...his smile when he knows he did a good job as a team leader.
...his smile when he saw me.
...his smile when he feels relief.
...his smile when he is extremely satisfied/happy/joy.
...the feeling when i got to be by his side.
...the feeling when i know it is the right decision for me to be quietly there with him though he said he need to be alone.
...make him a breakfast, and put it on his table with his regular drink, ali cafe.
...helping him to buy his ciggie, dunhill red.
...wiping off his sweat on his forehead.
...giving him a goodbye hug and kiss.

most of all...i miss you ever soo dearly...until up now...at this second... ='(
i wish and hope i can recover soon. cause this is soo pain...

up yours bitch.

2009-08-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

too tired to entertain your drama. blows as much as you want. i don't give a damn fuck. you want me to kneel down on something which is not my fault? i said sorry to give you face though it wasn't my fault. you like to win right? go and parade the town.

crawling

2009-08-23T01:28:00.000-07:00

work. I can't imagine how my life could be if I'm not in the midst of rush,hustle and busy-ness. I love it that way so far. a good painkiller though for a heartache. i will get better in time, i hope. sad to say, he's still the only one in my mind.

I know that I'm perfectly fit for you. You belong to Me, but our fate is not crossing for us.

i received an invitation by this one cute guy to his place, after ramadhan. Werner's at Changkat bukit bintang. quite a famous place to be at, most of the big event and celebrities always be there. he's the owner. if you know who he is, the white guy. which I hella knows nothing about him when he messaged me and asked me whether do we know each other. I said nope, he said for an invitation. nice. ;)

i is going to meet with hatta dolmat on this wednesday. :D
he sounds like a nice person when he texted me. hope he will be please to see me for the meeting.

working in this line, giving me alot of opportunity to meet the famous and rich.

oh work.

on the other notes:
whatever your intention is, im telling you man, it ain't gonna work on me.don't ever think a fragile heart, is the easiest to aim at.i still can be cool with you, cause we work together, and you're my friend.don't teach me to forget the man i love.AND DONT YOU DARE TO TOUCH ME AGAIN. your calling for your own funeral if you DO THAT AGAIN BASTARD!

Hiatus

2009-08-15T03:31:00.001-07:00

I'm taking a leave.

See you, if I see you again.

....heartache...I hope I'll be better in time... =(

no matter what, i know i wont be able to forget him...

2009-08-14T12:02:00.001-07:00

my all time favourite photo of him... =)

restoring the esteem

2009-08-09T09:38:00.001-07:00

...
insecured
is the correct answer.
I don't want to repeat the same mistake again.

why am I soo difficult? =(

too tired to think of any title.

2009-07-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

if I'm updating too frequent here, it means, I don't talk much in real life.

There will be some of the moments, I'd prefer to keep it to myself and ponder upon the things that have been lingering in the mind. The mind state will drown in deeper into the thoughts.

I love to talk, but only with certain people who are close to me. I don't talk much with strangers. If I do talk, it probably a gesture of courtesy to be nice and friendly with them. Such a hypocrite.

Actually, I have a work to do. But I'm too tired right now to think or do anything other than blogging. Been into a sleepless night these few days. I only slept for three hours per day, burning the midnight oil. oh-so-just to tell you how hardworking am I, like damn bagus lah konon.

I am good anyways. I feel good to say that to myself. :D

There soo much thing I have and want to do in a short little time. I know my body is screaming in pain right now as I'm torturing it to bare with me for a while now. Forced the body to work extra harder, which is 10times harder than before. I want to make my dreams that I have build, recently built, to come true. I am going on 22 years old end of this year. I don't have much time as the time flies extremely fast. I have to speed up my ability to catch up with paradigm. I want to make sure all my plans are running smoothly throughout this year first before taking up to the next level on the next year. When I'm going to be 23 years old next year, all I know is I must be able to take care and handling things maturedly. I'm feeling damn old by saying this, and lonely too. Yeah, I feel like a sad old lady right now. That is what happen when you've been working too much, all these sort of dillusions will fuck your mind. I think now I do understand why Malaysia has alot of andartu. I dont want to end up like one. choi choi choiiii. *touch wood*

will I ever be able to reach my goals? I know I will. =)

Funny. For some reason, I feel like I'm going to be very lonely in the future. I wish I don't. I seriously doesn't like to be lonely even when I said I need to be alone.

And you want to know something about me? My biggest fear is to hear silent, see the dark and only listen to ownself heart beat. I don't want to be lonely, I want at least someone with me. I dont care how far is the distance that person away from me, as long I know, somebody is following me.

hmmm...I suddenly feel like talking with the pilot boy. I just want to talk with him. Nothing more than that. I don't even miss him. Just that, at certain particular of time, he's just seems the right person to come and talk with. I don't know if I'm the only one who seems to have this feeling. Sometimes, on a different matter or issue, i'll think of anyone, that I know, who can be able to be sensitive enough with the right amount of portion as a councellor,to understand me.

but

when I know that's a crazy idea,

I'll drop by here and talk. Nobody stalk. I feel this is rocks. ;)

I have new labels for a short update blog.

2009-07-29T01:04:00.000-07:00

Well, practically this blog is alive again for some reason that I want to tell you here. When I feel like I should not talk to open infront of anyone, including the person I trusted the most, I'll prolly come here. It is good to know nobody really care how am I doing so far, and nobody really know the existing of this shit. Bah. I guess that is what happen when I'm being outdated with my social life and updated in my working status.

Oh BTW,
I got a job. In KL. Good eh?
Very good indeed, especially for my career path. I'll start working with MIFA, which is known as, Malaysia International Fashion Alliance. The one who always held the big yearly extravaganza marvellous fashion week in Malaysia. Cool neh? I know. Very the cool. ^^

Thus, I'm going to be one of the frontline person to handle such event, and also get the chances of meeting with a big huge numbers of an acquaintance that can widen my circle of networking. This is very good indeed for my future plan. ;)

THE MOST IMPORTANT IS now I can have a competition in the company. I was hunger for a battle to measure my talent. :D

My new boss, is a lady. She's cool. She's a fashion designer too! She has this weird taste which I kinda like and admire.

Before accepted MIFA's offer, I went for only three interviews (one of it including with MIFA). AND I'M PROUDLY TELLING YOU I ACE FOR ALL THE INTERVIEWS! SOO FULL OF MYSELF, I'M JUST LIKE THAT WHEN IT COMES TO WORK RELATED STUFF.

Infact, one of the company, was actually offered me a higher benefits and salary. The location also very near to my place. After they got to know I accepted other offer, the CEO was actually willing RAISE MY BASIC SALARY just to get me joining the company. Phew. That was AWESOME to think again. Aww, aren't you proud of me too, no? My parents never said anything as usual. It feels kinda sucks when the family seems like do not want to share the joy and proud moment of mine. Well, I know it's not only happen in my family right? So, i don't feel weird here that much. :p

I accepted MIFA because I know, I can develop myself in designer's lane. I can learn alot. Cause seriously, my colleauges are damn fucking good weyh. I do feel the fear when I saw their work. I feel soo small.

...

apart from the joy, and fear... I do feel sad...

I'm going to miss Comfori...
BUT HONESTLY WHAT AM I GOING TO MISS THE MOST IS...

Fei Chai...

mahai. he looks damn cool only, especially these few remaining days left for me with the company. maybe he just got to used to see the staff coming in and out from the office. to be frank, i do hope he feels what am I feeling too. He is the best thing that I know from Comfori. I just love to see his face when I'm coming over to his dept. He has the aura of a pure painkiller for me when I'm down or angry. No matter how bad the situation is between us, I'll get cool down very fast from his smile. It's very hard to hate or be mad with him for a longggggg period. I just can't. Even whether if it's my fault, or his fault, I'll do something to fix things back to normal. Maybe the norm that I have in me, I hate conflict. Maybe. Or, maybe I just can't stand too long to stay in ignorance while secretly I peek-a-boo at him.

Haih.

I've been thinking soo hard lately, what to cook for Fei Chai for my last breakfast for him...
Yes, I do cook for him. I just love to spoil him and looking at him grow chubbier by each day. I love it when he's chubby or what you call it as fat. lul. :p

haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.haih.

counting the days that left. =(((

this even make me emo.

erhs. is this what i said before a short notes? wtf.

there's nothing

2009-07-28T03:06:00.000-07:00

in this world that can make me feel better other than be in your warm hugs...

the place seems just right for me. =)

honestly, I don't want to lose you ever, though we know how impossible it is for us to make it for a long run.
At least, when the time comes, I want still in my good sweet memories with you.

you may ask me thousand times what makes you special to me?

let me keep that to myself cause I never know how to answer that.

I find, nothing is wrong from being ugly if that was I was born.

2009-07-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a liar. Yes. I lied.

I told people around me that I never care enough to think what people has to say about me. Like showing I definitely am comfortable under my own skin and how boosting was my energy level of confidence can't be defeated by those harm words.

...the truth is, I do care...

I care too much for what are you going to say about me.

I guess it's pretty normal for all of us to act like we are not affected from painfully words. Same with me here. Deep inside, we do take it personally and keep it behind the sweet smile to let not them see our true self feeling inside. Thinking of that, I somehow salute for people who dares enough to speak up their mind when they felt hurt or insulted from the harsh words.

I love to lie to myself and tell that I am beautiful though for the real fact if you look at me closely, you can see my fugly acne scars, blackheads, one-two pop out zits and my black puffy panda eyes. For those who knows me virtually here, don't get fooled by photos that I posted in facebook and blog. I wouldn't upload it without photoshopping it first. THAT IS HOW DECEIVING PICTURE CAN BE IS. WELL I'M NOT SAYING THAT I LOOK GORGEOUS AFTER EDITTING OKAY. Just good enough to make me feel secured to see my pictures flawlessly without seeing those scary flaws of mine.

I'm complaining much am I? I know. Like I never feel greatful for what I am today. I know... I know... if you want me to compare myself with other unfortunate people in this world, I am consider lucky enough. That is you comparing me with them. I don't compare. I hate to do that. Especially with them. I do take them as my friend though they are not good looking. However, I won't lie that I always secretly compared myself with people who are way fortunate enough than me. If letsay Fei Chai is talking about any of his hot girl friend, I'd act normal and flow in with the conversation that time. He doesn't know that deep inside me I felt like one sharp dart stroke inside painfully. I'll go back home looking at myself in the mirror. I'll see such a fugly reflection and a big embarassment towards ownself who still dare enough to look in the mirror. I prohibit myself from the mirror for one whole night with scary thoughts and memories back in time before when I was such an ugly duckling and invisible to the world.

Same goes with the Pilot Boy. He used to tell me that he likes girls with the pakistani or arabian features look. A sharp look. Sharp nose, sexy eyes. I went back home with a horrible feeling thinking back when he touched my nose and said, if I always pull my nose, it will eventually becoming sharper. He said it works, but takes time to see the results. Staring from that point matter of time, I had started a habit that I have today, which is keep on trying to pull my nose and shrink it using face muscles in a hope to have a perfect nice sharp nose, which I don't. Oh. Starting from him also, who tell me off straight to my face saying that I don't have an impressive size of boobies. Well, Fei Chai did said the same thing too. My only two special boyfriend in my life, had something in common to say about me. Sad case huh? I wonder what is my future husband going to say about my boobs. I guess he would say the same. It hurts and sucks big time feeling to have and carry over until now.

I guess I still have time to enhance the size right, no?

That's the boyfriend case. In family case. Hm. It SUCKS WHALES BALL. YES. THAT CRITICAL. Can you actually imagine, my mom never call me beautiful or say that her daughter with the name Nirah, is pretty. She only says over and over again, infront or behind me and my lucky sister that my sister is pretty and beautiful. Until now, she never stop calling me "kaki besar" though I think my legs are now in nicely shape. Everytime after she says that, she makes me feel fucking terrible and horrible, and suckier big time loser. When I'm happily looking at the legs in the mirror, suddenly the image kena drag into wider and more horizontally view from my eyes. I can see my legs doesn't look much alluring like what I was hoping it could be. It looks 10 times sucks than before. Hence, I tend to emo in my room, sitting and lying at the corner of my bed with that HORRIJIBLE FEELING.

You see how the people that you love the most
will actually made you feels like about yourself?
How can you be confident when the
closest one taken your esteem to that low state?

After leaving a nice scar, they noticed that they just hurt your feeling. They wanted to erase it by saying you are beautiful in sort of whatever ways. I don't understand how might others might taken it, but for me, whatever that you says about me before, it still haunting my thoughts. I may forget it for a while, but it will come back to me as when they didn't realize that I am still in pain. Haih. Fine. That's my problem or issue. At least they have done their part for damage recovery, no? Well, I think it's my problem. I seems can't take off this trauma feeling inside of me. Pity me no. For me, as much I complain, I will tenderly let it go off from my mind slowly until it vanish, for the time being lah I guess. Wait until when I suddenly get my parkinson attack again. I'll whine and whine and whine, emo and emo and emo like nobody business til I'm tired.

You don't know sometimes back in years before, I used to have a serious acne problem. That was really an epic low time for me. Can you imagine, I'd rather to stay at home when the family wants to go out to chill at the malls rather than showing my Mr. Jackal's face. I preferred to go out during night, cause people can't see my face clearly.I also made my hair covering up my face like as though I'm wearing purdah (an arabic lady scarf style where they covering up their face leaving only the eyes to be seen enough). I'd walk facing the ground like I had my third eyes on my head to see the road infront. I tend to hunch after walking like that. Seriously the esteem was THAT LOW that time. Thus, my physical doesn't seems like I belong to be a lady. You know... unflattered body figure, with that fugly face and urgh, I don't want to say more, it makes me feel soo embarass to tell you off everything of my flaws. I just can say, I'm sort of like a guy in a women's figure. I'm not saying I wanted to be a guy, HELL NO. I love being a girl, beacuse girls are beautiful, and I'm not! AND I DEFINATELY NOT A TRANNY, I HAVE MY LEGAL MEDICAL DOCUMENTATION STATED I'M A GIRL. SO SHALL NOT SPEAK ABOUT MEGAN FOX HOT ISSUE WITH ME. WTF AM I TRYING TO STRESS IN THIS AND WHY SO SERIOUS OF MEH. FML.

Hmmm. After reading back this post, I think I had mentioned many times that I care what people says and how low is my esteem. Ah lantak lah. I malas to edit nor delete. I just want to whine again. Cause this kinda moment just came and striking me back.

p/s: and my title doesn't suits my post too! double major WTF.

Its not right for people to walk around with there shirts off to show their muscles... I mean you don't see me walking around with my shorts off.....

2009-07-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

Kids say the darndest things

oh well, let them be a kid while they can, no?

I went to the mall, as I was hoping the dry me to get wet seeing any cute hunk around. However I ended up, went back home with dry-er, hot, and humid feelings of disappointment. Hello! What's wrong with Malaysia now? Where have been all the good genes of all good looking mankind? My sight seeing was hurt by... the lala's and rempits. urgh.Tak capai tahap piawaian mak okay!

Despite the dryness, the weather also being a bitch.
fuck my life channel.tv

Nyeh. At least the mall was still okay and fine. The boutiques have always never failed to tempting the empty wallets/purse with flies flying happily out.

Anyone has a temp job for me? I'm fucking good at everything until recently I've received a shocking award from my *ehem* good looking junior.

"Best in Bed" award.
=.=!!!

....erhs Thank you?

I don't know when was I ever being good in bed with that boy, or even touch. Worst, we even barely talk with each other back in highschool. Or maybe he thinks I look good in bed, since there were a few photos of mine in Facebook which I was happily made my show off rexona flying armpit putih shot in one of the album.

Geez. That picture seriously full of controverSIAL. I was meant to joke around and also, fucking mahai narcissists to show that I can look pretty hot in the photos.

Like come on! In my defense, every girls does want to have a good shot of themselves in the internet social networking, especially when our list of friends are looking daym hawt in pictures although they are just a plain jane in real life. *poke myself* ouch. I'm talking about myself apparently. Geez. Tak malu.

Woih. This is not the story I wanted to nag in the first place! So let's get back to my story can, no? WTF. Like I've got banyak-banyak readers laaa to read this shit. But eh, if I do have, leave me a comment to show that you're exist? Fucking pathetic right? No. Actually I'm just mengada like that. I want to be friendly with my readers too. WTF. It's just an excuses.

No, but seriously, I do want o know who are you people that are reading here. If no comment, means, OMG IMMA FUCKING LIFELESS BLOGGER WITH NO READER!!! GRAH. NUFFNANG I SHOOT YOU NOW! I WANNA BE A BLOGGER HOTTIES JUGA!

...though I'm not.

*cricket...cricket...*

OKAY BACK TO THE MALLS.....

as I was walking and wandering around, I saw this one lil cute adorable chinese boy aged 2-3 years old was crying. He was not alone. The parents were there with him and the maid too. It's just...

The parents don't bother him much and his poor maid had to follow him from behind cause he doesn't want her to touch him. Maybe he's being considerate to the maid, afraid that she might getting H1N1 later.

That lil boy keep on crying and crying and yelling. He was not crying because of the things he couldn't get, or get to kiss any random hot sales woman there. He was crying because...

"Dadddyyyyy bird bird yang yang (yang yang : itchy)"

...

The father pretended as though like he couldn't listen it when that poor boy is crying and rubbing his diapers. Same with the mother. I think that child was surely boy he would think of WTF! to the parents when he's being ignored like that. I would, in my age now. But if I say this to my boyfriend...

"Babyyyy pet pet yangg yangggg"

I'm fucking sure he would rescue me immediately, like...IMMEDIATELY & ASAP AS HE COULD. wtf. Ignore the adverts. Continue...

Like you should know, for a small kids like that, they'll surely do out of the best thing from themself to get the parents attention. And soo...

"Dadddddddyyyyyy!!! Mummmmyyyyyy!!! BIRD BIRD YANG YANGGGGG!!!!"

*pointing to his bird bird area with smudge smirky face*

Haha. It felt soo funny yet pity as I was looking boy at that time. Yes. I was busy body like that. No matter what, I had a silent salute for the boy as he succeeded from his loudness attempt to the parents when they were both like have to act like a care bear parents listening and helping the child.

Oh boy. What a day.

Take your “Bunday”, shove it, and give me a carrot.

2009-06-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

Who do you think we bunnies are? Self-centered Cats that need their own day named after them?

Puhlease. [Smooshed-face, disapproving, stubbular bunneh harummphing sounds]

this may seems small, but just incase you forgot, in my left chest, i do feel things.

2009-06-26T21:33:00.001-07:00

if someone who always can be punctual on things like in work/meeting, why cant they do the same on other thing? "forgotten" is always be the famous lame excuse.

geez. if you can't make it, please do inform earlier can you? i do have my limits too and things that will get my nerves on.

p/s:does that mean they took things for granted?

my babies =)

2009-06-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

have a look to my house will ya? here is the address;

www.coroflot.com/roa dseven

&
I just came back from my maternity leaves.

my newly born:
Global RiskTech Congress Ads
Infosecurity Magazine (International Magazines)
June Issues

Say hello to my baby ;)

it's a love story baby just say yes =)

don't scare me

2009-06-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

I'm worried.
Worried sick. =(
I hope it's not something big.

I do have my moments too

2009-06-12T22:25:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I love it when you feel it too.
Cause I want to tango with you.

It's already half year of 2009. What have I achieved? Shall brag about it later, well I do have my own moments too. ;)

Hmm 8 more months before 2nd February next year. Time will flies fast. I have to plan it now. Also saving up now. I want to make it big this time.

Bye, my blog will die now. *exhale*

Life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees

2009-06-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

a sweet child o' mine.

"People like you and I have so much more, yet we are so unhappy. We are always striving for more, failing to realize that it takes nothing to be happy. This little child brightened my day, I hope he brightens yours too"

-- Maharuq

yes,he just brightens up my day, Maharuq. =)

Should I realize life meet at its best when it's not complicated by our own agony...

great minds have a place in society only not many great minds exists in society to actually recoqnise them,

2009-05-25T04:18:00.000-07:00

guess thats why they say great minds think alike, just sad there's so few of us..

- the mofo macha

stupid dickhead.

they're all still gorgeous even in a disguise way.

2009-05-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

We always hear“the rules"

From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

THESE ARE OUR RULES! (gasp! o.O)

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. (LOL.WTF)

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant theother one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOTneed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. (HAHAHA I LOVE THIS!)

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics

as FOOTBALL ormotor sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape! (LOL I KNOW TO WHOM TO APPLY THIS!)

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

LOL. I'd call my men to sleep in the room instead of the couch after knowing this. It's even more turning on than just plainly fake gentleman.

I L O V E B O Y S !

What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise

2009-05-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

my shoulder is getting heavier now. i barely speak, because the responsible to top making the knees weaken before running.

Ya Allah. Sakitnya...

i won't let lil pumpkin feel the pain too.i'll protect her no matter what it takes for me to do.

hey, have you seen or heard of flying glasses?

2009-05-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

let me show you one!
and i'll give that straight to your face.

heck, maybe I'm the one who is having the problem here. you see, when you have all the luxurious, fame and beauty, can you please stop complaining like 5 years old girl who didn't get her latest barbie collection in the store! man, can't you just be grateful when you can own a Gucci's purse, Burberry's tops, Dior handbag, and Guess shoes? if you're intention just to brag how lucky you are in some sort of you're not blessed enough to own the world, please, I don't appreciate that. you've seen how was my expression right? I don't even bother to be like your other flat butt kisser. pergh!

get a reality check can you?

not all people are fortunate enough to get what you're having now. i'm sorry for being harsh to you, but seriously, you really get on my nerves this time around. you know how much I really want to be in your place...?

...

i have to work on my shits with the pain in ass to get a pay end of month.

you, seriously need to start stop taking things for granted.

p/s: i never feel ashamed to admit some of the dresses that i've own were actually cost me below rm50 and have no brand tags at all. infact, i never have a perfumes, i'm just using a lotion and baby talc powder. how does that make you feel knowing this fact?

something happened in a rush and I....

2009-05-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

=)

i feel...heee.
:)

something you have missed out, but it's okay

2009-05-14T01:30:00.000-07:00

I ♥ LOVE
(AND INTO)
WEAPONS & GUNS!
:D

what an awesome statement.bye.

Thank you.

yours respectfully,

We are only as good as our people

2009-05-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

"...help us create a more progressive working environment whereby each member contributes above and beyond what they have in the past, this not only contributes to our company growth it also contributes to your own self growth and advancement and that is the ultimate objective."

"So hoping my guidance, support and example has motivated you to reach for higher standards and looking at your delivery in the recent weeks, I am happy to say I have seen much improvement in your contribution..."

-The Mofo Macha of ~~The~~ Forever Year

it's funny when sometimes people always thought they are on top. well, they might be on the top, but on the top of the lowest bottom ranking they can be.

*the past
what the hell?! you fucking ain't that good okay from the past (your personal past) record that I've seen. Don't patronize the people that provide you a comfort for today living, you're just a lucky bastard who is still remaining here you know?

p/s: berdarah mata aku baca email kau.

Please get me something to turn me on cause I felt totally off button today and I need my hormones to functioning back

2009-04-28T19:27:00.001-07:00

what the fuck. ignore the title, but if you are that nice, help me with something that I can benefits from, to see whether my estrogen are still there or not. just in case i lose it somewhere in the middle of the road. damn. i'm talking nonsense! help me bah can? no? pffft!

woih. i feel soo lazy to continue the story below, and the writing hornyness also sudah losing.
what the fuck dude?! are you menstrual? shiite. oh wait, it's good too! i dont have to worry to get pregnant! MAJOR WHAT THE FUCK AGAIN I NEED MAN FOR THAT FIRST!

for you guys, i mean, the straight guys, with the cute looks yet still naughty, black eyes, broad shoulder, tall, have a nice ~~pillow belly~~ tummy, super melting 180 degrees smile, nice hand to grope and super patient to stand with my unpredictable imbalance hormones pms, oh-you-must-have-money-to-take-me-to-a-nice-restaurant (because love cannot pay my meal you dumb!), smart ass, sexy voice and good at kissing my forehead (WTF!) :

yes you. if you think you're above;
sila register cepat lah ngongs! and turn me on back on track cause im at the point of being lifeless again (soo not true, stupid. who ask you to listen such gossips bah?).

ahhh. im gonna rape myself cause im soo attractive that i have to advertise myself here. Fuck My Life!!!

woih. serious nie. at least Ashraf Sinclair would have made 4times head turns to look at me at Pavillion though his wife was around that time. YOU SEE THAT BIG BIG WORDS THAT I PURPOSELY TYPED HERE?? WTF! im soo, kesian. NO I'M NOT!

ah man. just bare with me here la can? it's not like always i can caught a good looking guys attention. i need my esteem here please. okay good boy, just nod with me kay? Ngeee! :DDD

ala. not bad what? one celebrity's boyfriend also was checking me and bubblebutt out when we both were eating nasi lemak at kampung baru. not bad wor. harderharharhar. i can't name her here. later i'd die when someone make a search and google her name, and ,my blog will pop-ing out. ashraff sinclair is okay, cause i'm waiting to be his 2nd wifeyy. hikhikhik. i dont care if i have a boyfriend also now, i would dumb him for a while, after i got bored, i'll come back to him. well at least im honest. what the hell! ignore me here.

ah. i'm already bored. i dont want to type anymore. bye

p/s: i miss you, dumbo. =(

well hello Malaysia. How are you today?

2009-04-24T04:17:00.000-07:00

Ahh.. time had really knackered me down with under work pressure. Yet I'm still grateful cause my life has been soo happening that I don't even want to bother to molest the blogger webpage. Sila jealous.

Thank fucking you. Kerjasama anda amat dihargai. ;)

I'm waiting for my friend as I'm typing this shit right now. He will come anytime, not soo soon after knowing his bad Malaysian timing, I might just as well do something awesome to make myself even more contented. What the fuck.

Just for a random thoughts of the day:

Everything that is working and happening around me are going bizarrely amused to me. I'm not sure if at the age of 21 (going on 22), my opinion will be accepted or not, because everyone is judging everybody, including me. Perhaps the thoughts that I pour in my writings will be taken as an immaturity to certain group of people, or maybe just another reading materials of an entertainment to waste on? I don't know. But I certainly appreciate for those who are actually reading my shits and digesting my portion menu of stories that I may offer you here. Thank fucking you. ;)

So, are you ready to judge me?

Entertain me. Please.

I'm pretty good at digging stuff, to find out more about what and what, so and so, to satisfy my curiousity needs. Infront for most people, they might find I don't really care on what's going on around if you just happened to tell me about some interesting story. I pretended too, poker face. I wont let you read me, cause most of the our gestures and actions are predictable. I will let you not predict me like the way you think you may know about me. Sometimes what you were thinking about me is true, and I will make damn sure I'll dissappoint you. In other word, I will decide to go on the other path instead of the path that I have choosen, I'll be better damn sure that the path is not a wrong decision to take. By hook or by crook, I must made it through.

Anyways, after wasting your time knowing less than quater about me here, I have something to share with in this sphere. Oh boy. How I always love to spell out things in this sphere am I?

It is got to do something with what I told you earlier, about me digging and dugging until I found what I'm looking for.

There is something, that somewhat I used to addicted for looking more and find out more about someone whom shall I say is not a worth of my bloody time go and do some "research" about. It was last year until last december when I have assure about the damn thing that I thought about was wrong, I stopped my investigation and inspection or on the blatantly side we called, a Stalker? Naah. I call that Spy, for my defense! ;p

Oh well.

However, recently when I was blog hopping (which is my daily casual routine), I went through to one of the link that I used to hooked on for some reason that I can't tell you here. I found out one ineteresting picture that reminds me of the someone that I mentioned just now. Boy oh boy. I know it's the urge of jealousy suddenly striking my mind and heart, like an electric volt that just give you a shot. Phew man. I seriously don't know how to explain the feeling but as I went through the link, I was hoping to see more of the someone's picture there. But there were only three pictures of that person in that link. I felt it was not enough. Then I was hoping if one day I could see that person in real life rather than just from the stories and photos that I've seen of that person itself.

eh.

I'll brb. My friend is here. To be continue.
Love you too. ;)

-I dont have time to proof read, so just bare with the grammartical error or whatever. bye.

People try to leave but they can't. There's no way out...

2009-03-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

thing I hated about kids; they always said the exact thing that deep down you already knew,
would never admit to, and most certainly never wanted to hear.

the more I looked into his eyes, the more heavier feeling I had inside me. That's why I always run my eyes from looking into his deep dark brown eyes. I want to make it lighter, so that I can walk even faster (run?). I want to walk, walk away (run away?) from all uncertainty that i knew would bring me into my own confusion.

But... I want this... soo badly...

somehow I guess I did made a presence in someone, somebody's life too. nice...

2009-03-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

...you looked very familiar.
-- seniors

I've been hearing this line too frequent already,
especially for the past three months (in a row okay).
Well... celebrity celup laa katakan. ;p

most of that shit look back just laugh, some shit still look back get sad

2009-03-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, I spoke as a child.
I understood as a child, I thought as a child.

But when I became a man;
I put childish things away.

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it

2009-03-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

a recap moments

just scroll down, I'm too lazy to explain everything.
for further info, click the damn comment and ask.
I'll assist you. wtf.

Haih.
I still fail to upload all the piccies.

I guess the chair is about to melt now.
Talk about the heat that ass can cause for sitting too long.
Doesn't count for how many times I farted. Wtf. Gross.

Goodnight. Wetdreams.

Random thoughts: I'm feeling yummy head to toe!

Thank You & Best Regards,

Vincent Fong Kah Wai
Business Development Team Leader.

Priceless. ;p

underneath the moon, underneath the stars here’s a little heart for you

2009-03-11T03:18:00.000-07:00

The weeks, days, and minutes were purely fun. :)
Putting up too much info will make it contently bored.
Not photogenic enough looking good at all angle,
to make you envy from the photos.

I sensed someone new is been peeking on me, hye to You. ;)
kamu ingin tahu keperihalan aku ya?

Up above the world of all this feeling, I have a guilt that I truly regret on.

"why are you still here? Haha."

"um..hmm... I guess I'm comfortable here?"

"or you're saying that you're belong here? Haha."

--mean.

the postman came to the road seven sending the post secrets:

I know there are things that I'm good at, and there are not.
I want to be a good protestant against the heart loyalty in mine.
Can I?

Help Me.

It's black and it's white We fight, we break up We kiss, we make up

2009-03-05T02:26:00.000-08:00

Greek MASTERCARD WEDDING

You’ve gotta love this guy! This is a true story about a recent Greek wedding that took place in Astoria, NY. It was in the local newspaper. Even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a large wedding with about 600 guests...

At the reception after the wedding, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from Greece, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new
father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila
envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his new bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said,

"I'm outta here. You people could stay here and celebrate with that PUTANA."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge: Making the bride's parents pay over $92,000 for a 600 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 600 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" Commercial out of this huh?

Let's give it a try...

---Elegant wedding reception for 600 family members and friends.........$92,000. ---Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.....$4,000. ---Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations on Mykonos Island....$8,500. ---The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride and the best man having sex ..........Priceless!

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.

the sun is on my side and takes me for a ride. I smile up to the sky, I know I'll be alright

2009-03-01T18:36:00.000-08:00

get your gadgets prepared.
the bitch is back.

she's back after 3 years in silency.
there's ain't nothing going to stop her.
she's hitting the town.

bitches, make a move for the queen to ROAR.

sick of doing favors for others, she demand for her own sake now.

ontheothersideofnotes...

HIGHLIGHTS:

7th March 2009.
T H E A R R I V A L .
=)

I has put on banner for you.
YEAY!

No body has it easy

2009-02-26T20:29:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's happening, you've been very quiet. please let me know if I can do anything for you. if you're not strong enough, take my hand.

we came from the same blood. tight up with the same bond. we stay in the same house, same room. we both sleep on the same bed. but why it seems we are still soo far from each other?

don't ask for help in blog, or put your prayers there. It's useless when you never come to me or other people who are concerning about you. i love you my dear sis. you may know, or you may not knowing about this, but i do care for you. it feels weird to say this when almost everyday i've been seeing you. i miss you and shasha. =(

i just hope everything is okay.

decode, the truth is hiding in your eyes.

2009-02-22T20:22:00.000-08:00

I always had good laugh and great entertainment on one of this blog, one of the blog that I always hooked on for an entertainment.

I can't stop laughing my ass out after reading one of his post. Which is below (I copied & pasted in my post now). I couldn't agree more than what he says was actually right btw! Haha.

P/s: He reminded with one of an amusing chat I had with my friends. Something that related with this post tooo! wtf.

17 reasons why the guy loves girls

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.
3. How cute they look when they sleep.
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms.
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.
6. How cute they are when they eat.
7. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside.
8. The way they look good no matter what they wear.
9. How cute they are when they argue.
10. The way her hand always finds yours.
11. The way they smile.
12. The way she says 'lets not fight anymore' even though you know that an hour later....
13. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them.
14. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you'.
15. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.
16. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.
17. The way they say 'I miss you'.

Okay.. I seriously think that the reasons above is more of like - the 17 Reasons why the Boyfriend loves his Girlfriend, rather than a plain guys like girls. My reasons? Here goes...

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
If they are your girlfriends, fair enough. Otherwise, this reason would go down well with ANY guy who just wants to get in the girl's pants!

2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.
... yup from your shoulder, and then you'll try to push her head down to your crotch.

3. How cute they look when they sleep.
You think back on the sex that just happened - and then think, lets do it again!

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms.
You think of the various positions you can try with her.

5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.
Yup, you hope it leads to sex and then your 'other' head just thinks right for you.

6. How cute they are when they eat.
Like licking the ice cream? Or puttin the whole sausage in her mouth?

7. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside.
They are warm because of the recent 'hot' encounter.

8. The way they look good no matter what they wear.
But I bet you would prefer it if she wears nothing.

9. How cute they are when they argue.
Resist the guy you mean?

10. The way her hand always finds yours.
...mmm.... the way her hand always finds your... DICK?

11. The way they smile.
This is also another reason you want to get in her pants.

12. The way she says 'lets not fight anymore' even though you know that an hour later....
Lets have 'make up sex'!

13. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them.
... and you'll hope for somethin kinky in return?

14. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you'.
... also hoping for somethin kinky/sexy.

15. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.
This one here tougher a bit - but at the end of the day, you're still hoping to get in her pants because she's down. Perhaps she should play with something's that up.

16. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.
And you are already thinking of how to get her to go down on you.

17. The way they say 'I miss you'.
... and in your mind, you're thinking... 'I miss fucking you'.

WAKAKAKKAKAKAKAKAKA!

I love this guy laaa!

Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under

2009-02-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

listening to: Disturbia by Rihanna

All some folks want is their fair share and yours.

what the fuck are you guys thinking?
You think I'm happily free willy meh?

Why the hell are you stabbing behind my back?
Geez. Fine. I know my butt is sexier than yours, bitch.

Come on.

Next time if You wanna fuck, come and confront me.

Or YOU want me to come to YOU and fuck YOU up and down?

You decide.

fucking sick bastard people.

and hearts all over the world tonight

2009-02-16T10:43:00.000-08:00

good morning? Good afternoon? Good evening? Good night?

Whatever time it is now when you’re reading my post, all the good time I hope for you.
Been pretty lazy to post up the food pictures that was taken a week before. I need to edit the photos, so that you’ll feel jealous and tempted looking at the nice and deceiving pictures I’m going to post soon, hm, or later. Wtf.

I just met Fei Chai today. =)

Okay technically I’ll meet him everyday, but as in professional way.I purposely make the “but”as an excuse. Wtf.

Seriously, during working hours, we both are like strangers. We really never took everything for granted though we know we have the chances to do so when we are working. Yes, we are fucking discipline and very focus towards our work. In fact, if we wanted to sms with each other, we will do it when we are free or after working hours. We have our own very own strict principle when it comes to work. I personally dislike when people bugging me about personal stuff when I’m working. That’s fucking annoying and disturbing, like you’re disturbing cats humping in the middle of the road. Wtf. I did that last time. I swear to God, the male cat was grinning madly at me. It was freaking me out to see the cat’s expression. Like
“Don’t you have any fucking other things to do besides cutting the steamy mood I’m having with my pussy kitty cat here you fucking moron!”

Boohoo.

Okay. Stop berhumping. We shall talk about dirty stuff in other series. Not now.

I always had a great time with him no matter for how long we spent our time together. I’ll make sure I’ll make it full content for the moment we have together. To me, every each time is should not be wasted just like that, because we never know if we may have that moment again. I always angry with Fei Chai last time when he always said why do I looked very sad everytime when we have to say goodbye to each other. His famous word always be

“We still have all the time in the world for both of us. There’s always tomorrow.”

How would I ever agree with that? To be frank, I NEVER.

I’ll always have this thought that how we really know tomorrow will be another day for us? Who knows maybe tomorrow I’ll get hit and run by a car. Or maybe something emergency happened, and he has to cancel the date for quite a long time have to wait for another date to come again? Choi choi choiiiiii! Touch wood.

Geez. Am I thinking too much here? Noooooo. Yes I’m being defensive here and I guess I have a pretty much good point to make okay. So you fucking agree with me lah, not like you going to care after reading this post or leaving any comments for me to take note on. WTF.
Okay like seriously, you see what happened now? We both are no longer in a relationship. When the next time is again am I going to have with him as his special sweetheart? I secretly still am wishing to be in his arms as his special girl instead of friend…
I guess you guys also knew that I seem like can’t move on from his shadow yet…

…

Have you ever thought…

After the break up…

Would you be able to see your beloved one with someone else when you know you used to be in that person’s place with him/her?

Do you really meant it with your smile that time when you were saying, as long he/she happy with their new lover, that is good enough for you?

How would you take it when you see their photos together?

Are you going to quickly find a hot date and pose with them, later post it in the facebook, with the mushy title of the album showing off that you’re also having a great time and moving on with your life when you are actually damaging your own heart just to make your ex feel the same way as what you’re feeling too?

Will you let your ex know how awesome life has been without them in your life, when in reality you are still in deep pain and not over them yet?

Or maybe do something like what I’m doing right now, post a blog in heck you called the cyber world without barriers when you know everyone is reading. Let yourself seen like a poor devoted lover who still coping with life to move one, hoping everyone whose dropping by to leave a comments to support you and saying a nice things for your clog ears to listen?

Well honestly, I do thought of some of the above an ex-lover-depressed-pathetic-anger list.

However, if I’m thinking to do that in purpose, what can I actually get in the end? Self satisfaction after the successful revenge? Make Fei Chai regret for taking a decision to break up when I’m hella the hot stuff in market (double wtf goes there for fucking narcissist I am) ? Can I actually get him back using this way? I HONESTLY WOULD DO THAT OKAY IF THOSE WAYS ARE FUCKING CONFIRMED WORKING!

Sigh. I do want him, soo badly.

I know it’s impossible when we looking back at the reality. The differences that make an obvious gap for us to be apart. All these while we both trying to close one eye to fucking not care about it when we know this relationship is going nowhere. We still play with fire, ignored the bells, celebrating our love and now…?

I should know that.
I should respect that.
I should accept that.
I should forget on the hopeless dream… I don’t want to.

Tell me, if there is any other way I can have this man back, I will do anything for you as in favor I owe you. But, not my body for an exchange of agreement.

...

Does he ever missing me like the way I always do?

Does he ever think about me?

Does he still have the same feeling like me?

It’s a pain in ass to know him as a person who is good in hiding the emotions. It’s not like I never knew that. I hate the feeling when I don’t know what’s been marathon in his head. Sometimes I feel like banging his head to wall so that I can see all the flesh coming out and knowing what he had inside of his brain. Man. That’s fucking freaky and scary. Too much watching violence series from the Astro television channels.

Ala.

All I want to know is only does he still love me too? Is that soo hard to spell it out Nirah?

…

All this while, I hope I’m the best girlfriend he ever had :D

He said I’m the nicest person to him when he was tearing his watery eyes. Is that good or bad meaning? I think and WANT to think it is GOOD. :)

Better than your EX hotter than your NEXT.

Boohoo!

Sounds a bit selfish there, but I do have that in my mind and thoughts.

I’m sorry if anyone of you whom might knows him, or was his exes, or hoping to be his next
girlfriend found this very intimidating to you. WTF.

Who ever going to take care of him next after me, she better be sure knows how to take care of my Sayang in a good care. I can’t tolerate for anyone who’s hurting him. I may feel envy because I wanted soo badly to be in that place. You fucking be sure that he is happy. He’s a GEM that you may not find anywhere else again. Treasure him, that’s all I’m hoping, wishing and asking for.

WTF.

I know I may not someone or somebody, but, he is worth it to be treasure. I assure you that my dear.

Whoa. I’m soo nice til have a great testimonial for Fei Chai to find a new lover.
WTF.

Anyhoo, Just so You know…

I still Love You.